A Grimoire

On my twitter account, I said, “800 words for 3 days in a row.  I’m tired.”

The worst part for me is getting started.  Once I get started, however, it’s like I can see different threads that show the end.  I pick one of those threads and I write toward it.

Most of the stuff I’m writing is bullshit.  It’s not even a story, or if it is, it meanders.  Toxicon’s story was horrible.  It started in one place and ended up in another.  Holder’s went all over the place before ending where it began.  And Jack’s – well, it was an all-of-a-sudden thing with him.

It’s crap.  It’s garbage.

But it’s writing.

Getting past that editor in my head is the worst part.  The one that says, “You have an audience, you know, and they’re reading this shit – they’re not going to read your stuff anymore because you’re not staying with one thing that they know.  They want to know about Knight and Mike, maybe Toxi – but who are these other guys you’re writing about?  They don’t care.”

I’m not sure.  But it’s my blog, it’s a raw blog, and it’s meant to have garbage.  I only hope that they stick with it – or if they want to skip over it, that’s fine with me, too.  The idea is to get 800 words out, and I feel that I need to put it somewhere where people can see it.  Otherwise, my feet are not held to the fire and I won’t do anything.

I’m reading Bird by Bird, and finding it to be fun and true in parts.  I got to the “Jealousy” essay and I was thinking, “Yes, YES, that’s so me.”  To read someone else’s crap and say, “This is crap.  Why did they get published and I’m not?”

Well, I can answer that pretty easily:  Because I don’t submit.    I’m too scared.

I want to submit to Samhain Publishing.  I wish WD would put together a “small publisher” book instead having to push us to getting into the BIG THREE.  Grimaulkin is not going to be a best seller.  I’ll probably be on independent podcasts (though I think I’d refuse, because I don’t want to disappoint the readers who are reading “Jacob Logan”‘s stories).   I still think of 50 Shades of Grey and know that the only reason that sold is it’s fanfic of Twilight (another story that should never have seen the light of day).  What if I try to sell Grimaulkin as fanfic of Harry Potter?  Will it hit the bestseller list?  No, because we need sex in it.

Some of my other characters are epic and I want to write their stories – Knight and Mal, for instance.  Casey, my first love.  Mike and Scott (as opposed to Grimaulkin).

Meanwhile, I’ll still be ADD and write character stories all over the place…

Ok, so last month was pretty shitty when it came to output, compared to June.  June I wrote consistently in my journal and on 800 Words, a lot.

July I put out 8000 words on 800 words, compared to June when it was just over 10K.  Being that I can do a novel in a month, I know that I can do better than this.

So, a new month, and as punishment, I’m not getting a fresh notebook, but using June’s.  I haven’t even got halfway through it, so nah-nah, you’re not getting a new one.

A new month, and I need, NEED to write 800 words a day.  How hard is it?

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I read Stephen King’s short story in Esquire.  It was short.  In my opinion, it was a character exploration, not unlike what I do on 800 Words when it comes to writing up a new character.  Hell, he went into things that I didn’t care about with this character, and the end – he just dropped him at the curb.  Literally.

Call me old fashioned, but I was waiting for the end.  Something happened to change the man’s life, and he did nothing.  Where’s the story there?  What am I missing?

Of course, this is Stephen King, the man with the golden, bloody pen, and anything the man writes is considered pearls of heaven (or hell, as the case may be).  In my mind, he’s getting lazy.  His books still sell, his name still causes people to swoon, but if this is the best he can do, then God help me, even I can do better.

That’s always been the fire in my belly, “I can do better than you, published idiot.”  Same thing with the last book I read, Daywalker.  What a horrid book.  But I kept reading it because I said, “It can’t get any worse – oh, yes it did.  No, it can’t be any worse – oh, no, it is.”  The writer is local.  I’d love to go to his house and say, “Dude.  Dude, this book sucked.  But the world you created…man, it’s awesome.”

I might do some fan fiction.  Hee hee.  Take his Railwalkers and work it up a few notches.

I’m rewriting Grim, and it’s going so far off the beaten path that I’m not sure what I’m doing anymore.  It’s not staying in lane.  It’s like I’m writing it from scratch again, and it’s irritating the piss out of me, because I’m never going to get it done.  It’s a YA with swear words, and maybe sex once I get him together with someone.  Can I get away with that?

Just write the thing and pigeonhole it later.

Well, there goes my break.  I’m going to write more.  Somebody hold my feet to the fire.