I’ve been pretty spiritual lately. First off, I’m a pagan, but not Wiccan. I follow the tenets of the Old Gods, of different pantheons as needed. For example, the above picture is my altar which is above my computer.
Apollo is on the left. He’s my go-to for healing and prose. Persephone for renewal, perseverance, and love or hope in the depths of despair in the middle. Thoth is for the discipline of writing (we haven’t had much communication lately). Between Apollo and Persephone is a tiny statue of Fortuna. It’s tiny because I can’t find a big statue of her that resonates with me. The brass censer is in the middle, and that’s where I do my offerings in the mornings or as needed.
Back to being spiritual. I want to give thanks fo the Goddess for giving me comfort and healing. Although my back constantly hurts, with Tylenol, it’s tolerable. Some days it’s more tolerable than others. Some days I have to lie down for a couple of hours to ease the stress on it. I thank the Goddess (and Apollo) for helping me realize when I need to stop and rest. “Self care” is one of those buzzwords that I never understood. I do now.
I thank the Goddess for giving me the blessings of my son. Yeah, some days, he’s a PITA. But a lot of days, he’s the best kid I could ever ask for. He helps me when I’m down, figuratively and literally. Yes, he had to pick me up off the floor a few times. He always makes me laugh, and he always tries to make me feel good. He worries about me, which keeps me going.
I thank the Goddess for the roof over my head. We were going to move, but it seems we’re stuck here because otherwise, I’d lose Medicaid. I would get a lot of money from this house which would go to a mobile home, but I wouldn’t be able to afford the HOA, or rent on the land. As it is, I can barely afford property taxes and house insurance here. So I have to deal with a 10-room colonial with stairs, and live on the second floor. It’ll cost an insane amount of money to fix this house: I need to fix the porch, the driveway, the floor in the bathroom, the second floor bathroom…dear Gods, this place needs work.
I’ve cracked open a some books that I read when I’m spiritual. Scott Cunningham’s Wicca: A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner. The Koran. The Bible. DBT for Bipolar Disorder. A Jungian Reader. I try to meditate–try being the operative word. I’m too anxious to meditate effectively, so I end up falling asleep. I read more about Tarot because I’m always learning with those cards. (You all know how crazy I am about cards…)
To the world, I’m Unitarian Universalist. Whatever you believe, all the more power to you. Just don’t make us (my son and I) believe it too. Yes, my son is a Norse Pagan, and I’m so proud of that.