Category Archives: Life Sucks

The Day Job

My father does not believe in me as a writer. Whenever I call him, he never asks me, “So how’s the book selling? How’s the new book going?” It’s always, “You still have a job?”

My day job has nothing to do with me being a writer. It is a mindless drone-like task that Koko could do. Not in any way challenging.

I’m planning on changing my day job, to finally take that step up the career ladder.I’ve been there for 9 years and have been insulted to show for it. So I’ve been trying to get at other positions, mostly in the writing and editing fields. I’ve tried inside and outside of my company. No dice.

So here’s my dilemma: do I take a job that will eat away my writing time, and possibly my creative spirit, or do I stay in a mindless job that doesn’t sap my creative ability?

Unfortunately, most of us writers have a day job, and the ones that don’t are lucky. Either there’s a spouse working so they can keep the writing life, or they’re selling that many books – and living much more simply – than I am. Do I want to make this a real job?

I keep telling people no, because I need inspiration for my characters. But my real reason is that I’m not disciplined enough. On my weekends, I want to write, but do I really? I did yesterday. Haven’t today, not even in my journal. I write when I’m pressured: during my lunch, 5 minutes before leaving for work, waiting during doctors’ appointments.  If given two hours, or even days, I find something else to do other than write.

Sleep is a big thing, actually. Game is second. Writing…yeah, I think about it a lot, but I’m not consistent. If I get this new day job, I’ll be very inconsistent, and my muse will be upset. Because writing will no longer be the big thing in my life, but just something I do when I get a chance.

 

Appearances:

September 10, Narragansett Meet and Greet 10 a.m-3 p.m. Narragansett Theatre by the Sea.

Will have Homecoming books, and Best Intentions under the table. Also testing out my “attract money” spell. 🙂

Writing when Depressed

A lot of writers suffer from mental illness. Many of them famously self-medicated with alcohol and drugs.

I’m in a crisis. One of my cats, Trixie, had to be put down because she suddenly got sick. I, of course, am blaming myself for that decision–could I have done something more? If I hadn’t paid bills, I could have saved her. If I had done a lot of things, I could have saved her. I’m still kicking myself for it.

And I’m depressed.

I should just write, but I can’t seem to get the gumption, the energy, to put pen to paper or fingers to keyboard. So if I can’t write, then I can read.

When the well has run dry or been blocked, I have found that it’s time to refill the well.  I will read writing books, watch war movies, and generally do “research” for my books. Then, when this is over, I’ll get back to writing.

Artist’s way update:

I’ll be honest, sleep is more important than writing. I know, I know, I should set my priorities straight. Maybe this week I’ll think that writing is more important…Maybe.

Finished the rewrite! Now if they’d leave me alone…

I finished the rewrite, at least on paper. However, I need to transcribe it to the computer.

I don’t know about you, but writing, to me, is a solitary activity. I need to have no one in the same room as me. I don’t know why, but I need to have it absolutely solitary.

Unfortunately, my computer – the computer that’s in the cellar – is also near the only working TV in the house. My kid prefers to watch TV. So he’s downstairs watching TV, while I’m upstairs doing this instead of transcribing the rewrite.

It’s like reading. I need to be transported into that other world as fully as possible. I used to be able to put my feet in both worlds at the same time, the writing world and the real world. Then I got old and cranky, and have to deal with rules. One of those rules is to write with the proper music or in silence. Rewrites need to be in silence because I’m editing and thinking about writing.

I had planned on getting it done today, but it doesn’t look like it’ll be done today. Maybe tomorrow?

What I didn’t do

I had hoped to have the second novel done by yesterday and off to the editor.

No such luck. My time has been distracted by work, gaming, and other methods of procrastination. I’m making some life changes, like I’m avoiding meat for the next couple of weeks because of intestinal issues that I’ve been having. I’m trying to see if that will help change things. I know that limiting milk from my diet has really helped.

I’m also working on DBT skills. In case you’re wondering what that is, it’s a type of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy that relies on “skills” or ways to think about the world. One of its central skills is something called “Mindfulness.” It’s a way of meditating, of “being in the now”. The idea is that if you practice these skills when you don’t have to, you’ll be able to use these skills when you do need them and they’ll come automatically.

So body and mind…live healtier, think healthier, and I need to work healthier. My day job is becoming stressful, mostly because, honestly, I’m doing it in a half-assed manner. This is something that I don’t usually do. I usually care deeply about my work, making sure I do it, I’m doing it right, and I’m thorough. For the past month, I’ve not cared. I’ve done stuff if asked, but as for initiating, I’m not. I don’t care. I am a simple cog in a big machine, and I don’t feel wanted or needed, just used.

This is unusual for me. It will be 10 years at this company next year, the longest I’ve ever been at a company. I don’t want to be here anymore. No matter what I do, it’s not good enough. Instead of getting pissed off about it, I just don’t care anymore.

And now…to bed.

Homecoming – Wide!

Homecoming is finally out!  And amazingly enough, it’s not just on Amazon!

It’s on Kobo, and Amazon, and Smashwords, and Lulu, and iTunes and Nook!  Soon it’ll be a print version.

Go here to buy the book!

I’m so excited. You can’t know how excited I am. To be an actual, real, published author.  Who’s sold 4 copies of the book already (which is more than Grimaulkin sold in its entire year-long existence). We’ll cut the price at some point, run some sales, try and get Bookpub to run an ad at .99 (after the second book comes out)…Marketing strategies, doncha know.

I’ve done some editing on War Mage, but it seems that I’ve had to rewrite the entire thing. I’m a little under half-way through and have had to do some extensive rewrites. Almost all the pages have markups on them. That’s because book one has certain things that I need to keep consistent, now that it’s engraved in stone.

And I was going to do a book 3. I have no idea of the title. I know a little bit, like a skeleton of a plot idea, but nothing huge or final. I was thinking of adding it to this book instead. Once I get through this rewrite, I’ll see how many words I have and whether another 20-30K words will help or hurt it.

After War Mage, I might work on the extensive rewrite of my magnum opus, Grimaulkin. I also might do my 3 short memoirs (or combine them into one book). My personal publishing plan is:

War Mage (Spring)
Something? Blood from a Stone?(Summer)
Grimaulkin (Fall)

I was going to have Iron Butterfly in there somewhere, but for the life of me I can’t write the formulaic “romance novel”. It’s not the “happily ever after” part. It’s not the “helpless heroine” part. It’s the “girl + boy” part. I would bring them together, then the guy would do something to tear them apart. I don’t have a problem with fated love between guys. Call me crazy. I have the paperwork to prove it.

Update

I just noticed I missed last week, so this week you’ll get two posts.

Last week was hellacious. I had a cancer scare – yes, that’s a real possibility in my life, as you’ll find out when I write my memoir of the experience. I was on eggshells all weekend, so could hardly concentrate on anything. But I’m free and clear now.

Homecoming is coming along. I’m a little miffed that the cover I had paid for is not going to be used in its entirety. It initially had a house with a hook in the clouds. The hook was meant to be a meat hook but someone pointed out that it looked like a hay-hook. It wasn’t as important to the plot. But it is a symbol of what he’s carrying into the next book. However, it won’t work for this book. So they took the hook out entirely and now it’s a house. I’m a little bummed out, but they said they’ll use the hook for the banner ads. And when I make the poster of it, I’m going to use the hook, too. It’s supposed to make the reader wonder “What’s that there for?” so that way they read the book to find out.

The book is short (184 pgs) enough to read in one sitting. I hope that people want more, which is the point of it. It’s a prequel to War Mage, where I’ve done the research and have set it in an exotic country. I’ll put the bibliography here sometime.

I’ve still been writing scenes, a couple of Champions stories based on my muse from that game (Scott the Mage’s player). He threw me a curve ball after the “Marker” story and I’ve been trying to recover ever since.  Which is a good thing! I love when I get a challenge.

Grimaulkin, when I finish that book, is going to be dedicated to those muses.