My life, in three words

Dialysis: My life revolves around the needle and the machine. Three days a week, first thing the morning, I get stuck with two needles. One has my blood going in, one has my blood coming out. And for four hours I sit, sometimes napping, most times staring out into space, sometimes reading, sometimes listening to music or podcasts. Four hours I wait, watching the clock like Fred Flintstone, while the machine filters the toxins out of my blood. Then a half an hour both to stick me and to disconnect me. Half an hour to and from the place. Six hours, three days a week.

Work: Three other days a week, I work for ten hour days. Luckily, it’s not a totally stressful job, where I have to take it home on the days I don’t work. I moved my office to the third floor because the cellar was freezing in the winter (50 degrees, and no heat). Good thing about it, I now have heat. The bad thing? (Or maybe it’s a good thing,) I can’t snack as much as I used to because the kitchen is in the basement/cellar, and my office had been right off the kitchen, in a refurbished “pantry”. After last year’s Purge cleared out the pantry, I had more room for the computer and papers and a chair. But it was cold, even with a space heater.

Sleep: The final day of the week, Sunday, is a day of rest. And I mean rest. I’ve timed that I can sleep for 12 hours. If I sleep after seven a.m. on Sunday, I’m up until at least nine p.m. Sunday night, when my usual bed time is around six or seven p.m. Then I’m up at 4:30 Monday morning to start it all over again.

This week is a little different, in that I have dialysis on Monday and Tuesday. Last Saturday I couldn’t have it because my access, the port where they plug in the needles, was clotted with blood. I have to go to a special out patient procedure to get the clot cleared out. Supposedly, according to the nurses at the dialysis center, they put a balloon in my graft to expand the area and get the clot to flow. But where does the clot go?

I have been worried sick about this. My OCD has kicked into overdrive when I’m wondering whether or not I’ll have a stroke or a blood clot to the brain. My blood clots well, sometimes too well; which I don’t understand since I have anemia.

Writing: I’m trying to write daily, but it’s been such a chore that I’m lucky if I can get a hundred words a day out. The story I’m writing is one that I’m interested in, but it’s testing my memory. It takes place in 1974 Providence, RI, during the height of the organized crime gangs in the area.

I’m wracking my brain about whether things existed in 1974. Remote controls? No. Lids on paper cups? They didn’t have that, or hot paper cups, either. Styrofoam. Aluminum can Budweiser? Nope, bottles. Recyclables? Are you kidding me? Smoking in bars? Yep. Drinking on the job? Yep. Weed, meth, heroin? Yep, yep, yep (though meth wasn’t what it is now–it was speed, then).

My goal is to get it done by the end of the summer, so that it’s available for RI Comicon (Yes, we’re going this year, November 6-8.). There will be no magic involved in the story, which means I have to make my protagonist very crafty. He will be. He has a lot of secrets to hide.

Resolved: More Cowbell

I need to get cracking on writing some stories. I’m involved with a writers’ group now and I have no excuse.

Well, I do. I have no ideas.

But that’s an excuse, not a reason. Being tired is an excuse. Having no time is an excuse. I can’t let that stop me.

I’m thinking of getting back to 800 words; if not daily, then at least three times a week. Maybe on my dialysis days.

My goal is to get a novel out next year. Since Nano was a bust, I have to start with something different. There’s a big market for romance still, but I have such a hard time getting into ti. YA is still a big thing.

What to write, what to write. A whole different genre? Something that brings some order into my chaotic life?

Writing prompts, ahoy.

NaNo, lost.

By week three, I had lost all interest in The Band Singer, mostly because I was exhausted. On Thanksgiving week, I had planned to wrap it up at least. I couldn’t even get the gumption to go online to a Google Hangout Virtual Write-In. I was in my big comfy chair or in bed most of the weekend, dozing on and off.

Heck, I didn’t even do the podcast. Next week, promise.

Now I’m ready to put that novel aside and start something new. But what? And this time I’m going to plan it out a little more, but not the end. That’s what killed it for me last time. Seeing the end on-screen, even if it was just a blurb, solidified it for me, saying “You’ve written the story.”

I’m going to wait to see where my next idea shows up from. I want to branch out from the Urban Fantasy/Magical Detective genre. But I love mysteries, going way back (Scooby-Doo, anyone?). Though it’s something I like to read, I want to put a different spin on it. I’ve read some real trash in the Urban Fantasy field recently, so I know what I don’t like.

Maybe another Grim story?

NaNo, Week Blah

24,000 words of blech. Note to Self: don’t write the end first. That’s the main reason I’m bored with this story–I not only know the end, but I wrote it out already.

I’ve gotten the action, and now I need to do the build-up to make the character famous. But it’s so unrealistic how I’m going to do it, and there’s so much time between when that happens and where I’m at, that I don’t know what to do. I’m tempted to just jump to the sections that I know will happen, even if they’re days, weeks, months ahead in the timeline for the story. If I do that, the story will be much less than 50K words. However, also, if I do that, it will at least be finished.

Not to mention that dialysis is a bear and I sleep for almost 12 hours a night because of it.

Next weekend I’m being held accountable by doing writing for NaNo at a virtual write-in. I’ll be there about 8 pm Eastern (past my bedtime) on Thursday, Friday and Saturday.

NaNo, week 2

I’m up to 21K words on this horrible novel that I’m going to trash when I’m done. I worked on it all weekend and half the day today so I could take tomorrow off on it, since it’s a dialysis day and I’m usually a wreck on Tuesdays.

I did a podcast if you want to listen to it.

A part of me is wondering why I’m even bothering with this novel if I’m not going to do anything with it. I might do something with the characters in the future but the story itself is stupid as hell. That’s what I get for pantsing the thing.

So far, I have one explosion, and now I’m writing the aftermath of it. Just to get words, I’m describing EVERYTHING in detail. It’s like reading a Victorian novel. Problem is, I’m listening to AC/DC while writing, and the music wants action. So I have to switch to Steve Winwood on loop as white noise. Otherwise I will put myself to sleep with my own writing. (And that’s pretty bad.)

5000 words and counting

So far, for NaNoWriMo, I have 5000 words of garbage. No, really, it’s bad. But that’s okay. I’m not in it to get even a publishable manuscript out of it. I’m in it to be one with the many people who have chosen to enter the hermitage of National Novel Writing Month in November. I’m in it to talk to writers during our write ins at Paper Angel Press. I’ll be there–take a look at my appearance calendar to see what dates and times (Eastern).

I was very productive this morning, having woken up at 3:30. After doing some luxurious lounging (no work or dialysis to get ready for at six), I gathered my tea and went upstairs to visit with Hemingway, my iMac Mini that’s like ten years old. I work on that for strictly writing, so I don’t find myself distracted by my journal, cats (well, sometimes cats), kid, or game.

That’s also where I do my podcasts, and I did a quick six-minute podcast this morning. You can check it out here.

I’ll be doing a podcast every week during NaNoWriMo and trying to write as many words as possible during the write ins. You can come and visit, just follow the above Paper Angel Press link and join in the fun! It’s through Google Hangouts.

Almost there!

The good thing about dialysis is I have time to read books. I broke down and got Kindle Unlimited, so I could get some fiction books for “free” ($9.99/month). I also purchased a few Kindle editions of books that are best sellers or recent sellers. I downloaded a few novel-writing workbooks, too, that I’m working with in my journal.

So far, I have a few scenes for NaNoWriMo’s story. I need subplots. I’m making up this entire thing. It’s not going to be an accurate representation of Latino life, and I’m not appropriating that culture for this. This story is mine and mine alone, and is never going to get published because I’m not backing it up with facts. You know me, I research things to death before writing anything, which is why War Mage took me so long to write. I finally threw my hands up and just said, “Forget it,” and wrote War Mage just to finish the story.

I found the original story in one of my notebooks, and I’m kicking myself for not sticking with that original story. It would have been better, I think.

I read most of a book called Shadow Company by Michael Hesse. So far I’m the only reviewer on Goodreads for him. I gave him four stars for military accuracy and interesting story world, but the character had been through too much by the time I got almost half-way done with it, that I didn’t want to bother anymore. I didn’t realize that it was a 500 page novel, either.

Shadow Company has a bit of “The Chosen One” trope, which I have outgrown since reading the Dragonlance series and attempting (every few years) to read the entire Lord of the Rings series. But I would suggest you read it if you like military fantasy like I do.

I plan on doing a podcast today in anticipation of NaNo, and hope to do podcasts every week updating people on my progress. I’m tempted to write the story upstairs on my Mac, without any distractions other than some music and tarot cards for jumping off points.

NaNoWriMo Prep

At first, I wasn’t going to do NaNo because of my work/dialysis schedule. Now that I have some time available for recuperation, I could probably do NaNo.

I’m not going to force myself to get to the 50K mark. I’m not even doing any research for it this time around. I’m going to write, without any purpose. It’ll be full of cliche’s and stereotypes, probably be a total insult to my subject matter, and I’m making the whole thing up. It’s not even going to be based in real life, but it’ll be a fantasy of mine.

Of course there’s going to be a dark part of it, which is what I’m hanging the story on. Because it can’t all be unicorns and rainbows.

Hemming and Hawing

I’m wishy-washy about a big decision with my job. That’s what’s taking up most of my time recently, the indecision of what one person says in HR versus what another person says. Nobody at HR knows what the hell will happen to me if I make this decision. In the interests of my health, though, I have to make this decision in a way that I don’t like, that will not benefit me, and will cause me problems in the short term.

See, dialysis is a total time sink. Three times a week for six hours: a half hour to put me in the chair, a half hour to disconnect me, four hours in the chair, and half an hour there and back home. I tried to work afterward but I was so exhausted, I just wanted to sleep. I didn’t do much after dialysis.

My boss suggested I take the days off that I have dialysis, which are Tuesday and Thursday. She did some research on it and said that I would probably be too tired to work. Although I protested, I could see her point. I would not be a good functioning member of the team after dialysis. Nor would I be effective after 8 hours.

I found that out on Friday, when by 3 pm I was ready to ask her if I could take a 4 hour PTO because I was a babbling wreck. I thought I knew myself well enough to work 12 hour days. I guess I can’t.

That being said, the whole idea of just resting irritates me. I can’t see myself doing it. I must always be busy, or I’m not functioning. Dialysis, it seems, is kicking my ass in ways I didn’t expect. It’s making me rest, forcing me to stop and reassess.

I don’t like it, not at all.

Now, for writing, I honestly haven’t been doing any of it this week. I had a story idea from a dream but it’s not even a skeleton, it’s a bunch of dislocated ribs. Of course, that’s what you get when you have a dream and try to make a story out of it. I wrote out the bare bones in my journal and I’m a bit meh over it. It doesn’t entice me.

Back to the drawing board.

Memoir

I bit the bullet and sent my memoir, Torn Asunder, to my publisher to have him take a look at it. Right now he’s in the throes of publishing Corporate Catharsis, an anthology that I wrote a story for entitled “Hextron, Inc.” so I’m not expecting a response to it within the next couple of months. Catharsis comes out November 1, and that’s also the start of National Novel Writing Month, when the publishing company shuts down so we can all concentrate on writing.

I don’t think I’m going to work on it this year, especially with my time constraints. I know for certain I won’t be able to make the minimum daily requirements. But the other thing is I don’t have a freaking clue what to write.

Ova has turned into a real shitshow. The problem is I’ve written the story once, I liked it, but it got taken out with The Purge of my house I did in March. I don’t want to sit here and retell a story I’ve already told myself. That’s not how I write. I’m a pure discovery writer. I plot the beginning and the end, and how we get to the end is totally left up to the Muse. I’m just along for the ride.

Ova might be interesting to others, but I can’t seem to get myself into it. So instead of excuses, I’m just going to dump it and consider it lost.

While cleaning out my filing cabinet, I found my old floppy disks (the 3 1/2″, not 5 1/4″ ones) with Hunter’s Realm on them. I do have Hunter’s Realm on my TB drive, and I liked how that one came out. I loved Luther so much – he was a real Mary Sue, though. I should read through it and see if it’s viable. As a YA story, I think it is, because I wrote it when I was in college.

NaNoWriMo requires a new story, though, so that’s where I’m stuck. I have so much going on…what story could I do? And what time do I have to do it?

I’m beta-reading a story for someone, and while I’m reading it, I’m thinking, “I can do better than this with my eyes closed.” I’m catching small things that are really good, and glaring errors. An example stuck in my head is using the word “junkyard” in a fantasy world with elves and dwarves. It brings to mind rusting cars. Maybe “scattered about like a pile of junk.” Or, my favorite word of the year, detritus.

Should I yank out my old D&D books?