01

05/16

What I didn’t do

8:55 pm by L. Jacob. Filed under: Life Sucks,War Mage

I had hoped to have the second novel done by yesterday and off to the editor.

No such luck. My time has been distracted by work, gaming, and other methods of procrastination. I’m making some life changes, like I’m avoiding meat for the next couple of weeks because of intestinal issues that I’ve been having. I’m trying to see if that will help change things. I know that limiting milk from my diet has really helped.

I’m also working on DBT skills. In case you’re wondering what that is, it’s a type of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy that relies on “skills” or ways to think about the world. One of its central skills is something called “Mindfulness.” It’s a way of meditating, of “being in the now”. The idea is that if you practice these skills when you don’t have to, you’ll be able to use these skills when you do need them and they’ll come automatically.

So body and mind…live healtier, think healthier, and I need to work healthier. My day job is becoming stressful, mostly because, honestly, I’m doing it in a half-assed manner. This is something that I don’t usually do. I usually care deeply about my work, making sure I do it, I’m doing it right, and I’m thorough. For the past month, I’ve not cared. I’ve done stuff if asked, but as for initiating, I’m not. I don’t care. I am a simple cog in a big machine, and I don’t feel wanted or needed, just used.

This is unusual for me. It will be 10 years at this company next year, the longest I’ve ever been at a company. I don’t want to be here anymore. No matter what I do, it’s not good enough.¬†Instead of getting pissed off about it, I just don’t care anymore.

And now…to bed.

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