Lenormand sat down on the folding chair. “I apologize that this office is a little spartan.” He smiled at his first client, a young man with black hair and gentle blue eyes.
“It’s okay.” Jules took off his coat and draped it over the love seat’s left side, and sat down at the right. He wore a simple t-shirt and jeans, loafers, and a black band around his left wrist. Jules looked down at the floor.
“So–”
“I killed a man,” said Jules, then looked up.
“Nothing like getting right down to business,” said Lenormand.
“It’s what I’m here for, isn’t it? Didn’t Scott tell you?”
“He did, and I read the report that your boyfriend provided. But I want to hear it from your perspective.”
Jules looked down at the floor again. “I relive it. All the time.” He clenched his hands into fists at his knees. “I shouldn’t have shot at his shoulder. I should have aimed lower. Like at his legs.”
“Did you know where the other man was?”
Jules shook his head. “He was invisible. I couldn’t tell that his head would be where it was.”
“So you wouldn’t be able to see his legs, either.”
“Even if I missed, I wouldn’t have killed him.”
Said Lenormand quietly, “But you did.”
Jules gripped his pant legs at his knees, balling his hands. “I wasn’t supposed to.”
“Because?”
“We have rules. Heroes have rules. We don’t kill people.”
“Why don’t you kill people?”
Jules looked up again. “Because they can be rehabilitated. I know Jason doesn’t believe that, but I do.”
“So all criminals can be rehabilitated.”
“Yes.”
“Do you consider yourself a criminal?”
“I’m like them. I mean, I killed someone!”
“Don’t you think you can be rehabilitated?”
Jules stared at him, blinking.
“You give the criminals leeway. You trust that eventually they’ll see the error of their ways and will become good, productive members of society. Don’t you think you should give yourself the same leeway?”
“But…but…I have rules. I broke a cardinal rule.”
“Intentionally?”
“I didn’t mean to kill him…”
“Criminals have rules too.”
“They do?”
“Of course. Rob the bank. Get the money. If someone gets in their way, eliminate them. That’s their rules. How many people might break that last rule, do you think?”
“It depends, doesn’t it?”
“On?”
“If they’re human or robots.”
Lenormand said, “We’re talking people, here. Let’s say…Purple Gang. How many of them do you think don’t really want to eliminate the person who gets in their way?”
“I don’t know…”
“Almost 20%. They did a survey in one of the prisons.”
Jules said, “Jason would say that’s because they want to get out.”
“And you would say?”
“That they’re honestly being forced to do things they don’t want to do.”
“You were being forced to do something, weren’t you?”
“What do you mean?”
“The man had your boyfriend. He was going to escape. Did you have a choice?”
“If I was in better shape, I could have tackled them.”
“But you don’t know how to fight like that, do you?”
“Jason’s trying to teach me.”
“But you don’t know how to fight like that?”
“No.” Jules looked down again. “No, I don’t.”
“So that’s something you couldn’t do. What else could you have done? Aimed lower, you said?”
“Yes.”
“But would you have had a clear shot?”
“I don’t know.”
“What were you aiming for?”
“Above Jason’s shoulder. I thought Xian was taller than Jason. I wanted to hit Xian’s shoulder. It’s a bigger target than moving legs, and if I hit his torso, I could have ricochet off his ribs and killed him.”
“You were aiming not to kill him?”
“Yes.”
“Your intention was to hurt him, to stop him. Not to kill him, correct?”
“Yes…” Lenormand waited while Jules processed. “I was following my rule. It just happened that it was an accident.”
Lenormand nodded.
“But–”
Lenormand held up a hand. “In this office, ‘but’ is typically used to negate whatever was said before. Listen to what you just said. ‘I was following my rule. It was an accident.'”
“But–”
“Eh, eh. We’ve already gone through what you could have done. What you’re doing now is what you should have done. And shoulds aren’t helpful because they cannot change the future. The past happened. The future is only possibilities. You only have what is in the now.”
Jules gave further excuses, and Lenormand listened, repeating that Jules was going through shoulds. Eventually, all the arguments were deflected, and Jules slumped on the couch.
Finally, Jules said, “Are you going to pull me off duty?”
“I’m going to suggest that you don’t go out in the field, but I am going to suggest that you work with the young men of the group. It’s no good to isolate yourself and sit thinking of what happened. It’s good to keep busy. Do you have a hobby?”
“Other than target shooting?”
“Yes.”
He shrugged. “I like to read.”
“Good. I want you to read a book a week. The first book I want you to pick up is a book on grief.”
“Grief? But I didn’t lose anyone close to me.”
“You lost a precious rule.”
“Hm.” Jules looked around the office for the first time. It was nothing but bare white walls, a makeshift desk of two filing cabinets and a piece of board across them sitting before the only window. There were two bookcases full of books on different kinds of therapy. Jules focused again on Lenormand. “I can see that.”
“I want to see you three times a week for the next two weeks,” he said. “Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. What times are good for you?”
“I’d have to ask Jason. He’d want to come.”
“Of course he can come. I’ll go get him.”
Lenormand rose from the folding chair, turned to the desk and picked up an appointment book. He stepped outside to the waiting room.
Jason looked up immediately setting aside the magazine he was looking through. “Is everything all right?” he asked.
“Sure,” said Lenormand. “Come on in.”
Jason got up and went inside. Jules was standing, putting on his coat. Jason focused on Jules. “You all right?”
“Yes,” he said, “We need to go to the bookstore.” Jules didn’t smile yet, but to Jason, he looked the most relaxed he’d been in days.
