I’m disabled. Dammit.

I went food shopping for the first time in a year. We’d been using Instacart and DoorDash and other delivery services.

Unfortunately, I’m in a wheelchair now. I can no longer stand on my own. Even with a walker, I teeter back and forth. At first, I went through the store in the wheelchair without feet, but my legs were at the bottom of a cart. I felt like I was driving an 18-wheeler through narrow streets. And it was busy!

Two weeks later, my son and I went to another supermarket. Not as busy, but this time I was able to use the scooter that the store provided. It took me two accidents to finally get a hang of the thing. I realized a few things while sitting in the scooter, trying to shop.

1. Nothing is easy to get.
   Opening doors in the frozen food aisle is impossible. Buying meat is almost as bad, especially if you want the stuff high up. Forget getting two-liter soda bottles above your head. Bring someone to help.
   
2. Eye level items when you’re sitting down is the most expensive.
   I know that it’s a marketing scheme, as that’s kid’s eye level. I have to look way up, or way down.
   
3. Aisles are too narrow.
   I crashed into two set-ups because the turns were not tight enough. When I go in an aisle to get one thing, my choice is to continue up the aisle instead of turning around. Which takes longer to shop.
   
4. Checking out is a nightmare.
   Some stores can’t detach the card reader. It’s hard to negotiate the cart, the scooter, and the bags. And packing the car…I was worthless. I just sat there while my son and my driver loaded up the car.

Throughout, I felt like I couldn’t get anything without help. How can people live this way? And now that there’s snow everywhere, I can’t use the sidewalks. Not that I go anywhere much anymore. Though when spring comes, I hope to go outside for some sun.

This week, we’re going to a sushi buffet restaurant. My son is going to have to make plates for me and I hope they have something for a handicapped woman to sit at. Yup, I’m going to rate places based on their handicapped-accessability. Something new, maybe I can monetize it.

It’s not cancer!

The tumor is benign. They said it’s adrenal cells growing so close to the liver that it looks like it’s on the liver. It’s not cancerous.

What a relief.

Lesion is benign but…

Got the report back. The lesion itself is benign. However the surrounding cells are cancerous, specifically adrenal cancer cells. Of all things! I am supposed to see the doctor on the 16th, and hopefully will get clarification then.

A Good Girl’s Guide To Murder Review

I read this book on Kindle. Even with the images, I could read and understand the story.

It was great. I loved Pip (what a name???) and was glad, but the ending was bad. I won’t spoil it except to say it seemed improbable, even after the confessions.

Pip is a senior in Fairview High School, doing her capstone project on the murder of Andie Bell and trying to find Sal Singh innocent of the crime. So many spiderwebs and connections, stories of murder, rape, and drugs. So many “This person did it, no this one…” It was a fun trip. I thought it was an abusive father, but it wasn’t (I’m not glad about it). If you go down that road, it’s the wrong one!

Am I rude?

I have surrendered.

I bought earpods for my phone (not Apple Airpods–too cheap for that!). My kid, since almost birth, has had phones in his ears, listening to music and podcasts. I gave up and decided to try to listen to music during downtimes, and while waiting for…whatever. It was hard the first day, and I ended up falling asleep, losing half an hour of the below audiobook. It was during dialysis, so that happens often.

While wearing the headphones, it felt weird–and rude. I was listening to the music or spoken word in one ear, and not hearing everything going on with the other. How can my son do this without being rude? I guess it takes practice.

I started Norse Mythology over two years ago and dipped into it here and there. It wasn’t bad. Pretty flat. I knew some of the stories, but not the cross-dressing Thor. Did Marvel do that? They should.

I am going to try it again tomorrow, again at dialysis, both going to and from and waiting for the rides.

Today I had a CT scan. Wednesday, February 6, I had the biopsy. The PA said the results may be available next week. The “lesion” (aka tumor) on my liver is near my lung, so I had to lie on my side for the procedure. It felt like they thrust a spatula into my side and dug out the tissue. I had to get three x-rays of my lungs to make sure the PA didn’t nick it while digging at my liver. Fun times.