On my twitter account, I said, “800 words for 3 days in a row. I’m tired.”
The worst part for me is getting started. Once I get started, however, it’s like I can see different threads that show the end. I pick one of those threads and I write toward it.
Most of the stuff I’m writing is bullshit. It’s not even a story, or if it is, it meanders. Toxicon’s story was horrible. It started in one place and ended up in another. Holder’s went all over the place before ending where it began. And Jack’s – well, it was an all-of-a-sudden thing with him.
It’s crap. It’s garbage.
But it’s writing.
Getting past that editor in my head is the worst part. The one that says, “You have an audience, you know, and they’re reading this shit – they’re not going to read your stuff anymore because you’re not staying with one thing that they know. They want to know about Knight and Mike, maybe Toxi – but who are these other guys you’re writing about? They don’t care.”
I’m not sure. But it’s my blog, it’s a raw blog, and it’s meant to have garbage. I only hope that they stick with it – or if they want to skip over it, that’s fine with me, too. The idea is to get 800 words out, and I feel that I need to put it somewhere where people can see it. Otherwise, my feet are not held to the fire and I won’t do anything.
I’m reading Bird by Bird, and finding it to be fun and true in parts. I got to the “Jealousy” essay and I was thinking, “Yes, YES, that’s so me.” To read someone else’s crap and say, “This is crap. Why did they get published and I’m not?”
Well, I can answer that pretty easily: Because I don’t submit. I’m too scared.
I want to submit to Samhain Publishing. I wish WD would put together a “small publisher” book instead having to push us to getting into the BIG THREE. Grimaulkin is not going to be a best seller. I’ll probably be on independent podcasts (though I think I’d refuse, because I don’t want to disappoint the readers who are reading “Jacob Logan”‘s stories). I still think of 50 Shades of Grey and know that the only reason that sold is it’s fanfic of Twilight (another story that should never have seen the light of day). What if I try to sell Grimaulkin as fanfic of Harry Potter? Will it hit the bestseller list? No, because we need sex in it.
Some of my other characters are epic and I want to write their stories – Knight and Mal, for instance. Casey, my first love. Mike and Scott (as opposed to Grimaulkin).
Meanwhile, I’ll still be ADD and write character stories all over the place…
